An unpleasant outing

I read this by Bradlee Bryant, and it gave me chills.

What if it happened to me? What if Rosie were outed to people who know her by a different name?

Professionally, I wouldn’t give a damn. Anyone who chooses not to work with me on the basis that I’m enthusiastic about kinky sex and enjoy being creative with it, can get fucked with a rusty pipe anyway. I recognise that I am extremely fortunate to be in a position where I can take this stand without fearing for my income. I’m freelance, good at my job, and my personal life has no relation to my professional acumen. I have has done nothing to be ashamed of.

Personally though….ouch. Most of my close friends already know that I write about sex and kink, and that I like to share saucy pictures. They either think it’s really cool, or they’re simply not bothered – because they wouldn’t be my friends if they didn’t know what I’m like and love me anyway.

But it would be SUPER awkward for my family. I don’t think they’d disown me, or insist that I stop or never darken their door again because, I am lucky as hell to have tolerant, loving, kind people as relations. They probably wouldn’t understand or approve though – I think they’d be much more likely to quickly brush it under the nearest rug, never to be referred to again. I’ve been disappointing them for many years in many ways; what would it be but just another pin in the map? They would still love me.

What I fear for myself is the reaction of people who think they know better than me how I should live my life, or who’d judge me unkindly for having different values and tolerances to theirs. Guys who are bitter because I didn’t/wouldn’t fuck them (or because I did, but then didn’t hang around afterwards), guys who hate to see a woman in control of her own life, uptight women who think they’ll score Patriarchy Points by tearing me down with moral condemnation, the judgy, the self-righteous and the closed-minded, those who view sex as a weapon for winning supremacy, the spiteful who would try to use it against me out of personal dislike. I’m not going to kid myself, there are probably quite a few people out there who would be perfectly okay with watching me be publicly humiliated and excoriated simply because I am not one of them. I cannot do anything about these people except remind myself that their opinions are misguided and should not matter to me.

Worst of all, I fear that my leisure activities would be used against my Fella, who works in a job and environment which is unforgiving of social nonconformity, and is prone to misdirected moral panicking about anything sex-related. Could his employers legally fire him for having a kinky sex blogger girlfriend? Probably not, but if they decided to punish him for it, would the law actually prevent them? Of course not. I’d hate to be the reason he lost his job.

If someone with enough time and motivation who was aware of one of my personas made the effort to hunt down the other, they’d probably manage to make the link at some point. Does anyone hate, covet or disapprove of me hard enough to do that? I have no way of knowing. I hope not, but I refuse to live in fear of the possibility.

Becoming a creator of adult content is the best move I’ve made in my whole life. It’s brought me great friends, loads of insight into myself and the world around me, given me a harmless way to express my sexuality and kept me entertained on many a dull day and dark night. It’s helped my writing abilities, soothed much of the shame and fear I had accumulated, shown me new ideas and brought me into contact with wise, kind people.

If I were outed, would it stop me from writing and posting pictures with sexual content? Probably not, although I might have to take a hiatus and get myself a new alias, which would be sad. I’ve spent too many years (and heartache and trauma) unearthing the real Rosie; I’d hope there is no event so traumatic that it destroys her or sends her back into miserable hiding. This is not a challenge, it’s a plea.

Just let me be. Read and look if you like, ignore me if you don’t. But please respect my boundaries. I am no threat to your kids, your spouse or your pets. Outing me benefits no-one and would hurt many, most of all me.