#Pervember 8: Orgasm Denial

My orgasms come relatively easily, quickly and in multiples. Because of this, I don’t value them as much as I might – while pleasurable and desirable, they are often commonplace and functional – rarely the Earth-moving fireworks display that fiction has programmed the modern woman to expect – even demand. I’m hopeless at self-denial, only managing once to hold off for any length of time while playing solo – a wholly gratifying experience but one I have not yet had the self-discipline to revisit. I know that if I back off at the last minute enough times, the release when I finally get there is intensified to the near pyrotechnic point I mentioned earlier. I’m just too greedy and impatient to bother.

How fortunate then that I have a mile-wide kink for orgasm denial. Especially during sex. To hand over control of this most intimate function to someone else’s whim is provocative in the extreme, both in concept and in experience.

I love fucking – whether hard and fast or slow and gentle; in any orifice and with anything that’s body-safe. I don’t need to orgasm to enjoy a fucking, in fact, the longer I can hold off, the more I enjoy the journey. Being greedy and impatient with little self-control, I prefer someone to tell me that I may not come, otherwise – well, why would I hold back? Bonus points if the words “slut”, or “good girl” are used at any point in the proceedings, because if there’s one thing even hotter than denial for me, it’s denial with a punishment/reward dynamic. Orgasm denial within sex is my favourite way to play with this kink.

Outside the here-and-now of partnered sex though, denial teeters on a knife-edge between making me even hornier and genuinely pissing me off or making me sad. I can go days without bringing myself off if I’m being constantly reminded of the restriction placed on me. Sexting. Phone sex. Flirting. Ominous threats of the punishment for breaking the ban, that sort of thing. But I have major insecurities around being ignored and if I start to feel neglected or dismissed while I’m in denial, a whole bunch of other, much less enjoyable buttons start to get pushed. Like, fear of disconnection. Self-doubt. Problems with body image. Grumpiness is manageable but abandonment issues are less so. For that reason, I don’t tend to spend long periods in denial – it messes with my head.

Orgasm control – has safer ground than just denial though. Just asking permission to come – even if I know my partner is going to say “yes” – is all kinds of hot, as is the ‘pretending-to-think-it-over’ process, not to mention the “do <x> to earn your orgasm as a reward” scenario (mmmm, oh hell yeah). I’m not much of a fan of the ruined orgasm, although because of that, I can definitely appreciate its place in the disciplinary/sadist toolbox. As with most of this stuff, it’s not wholly – or even mostly – about the physical, but about the psychological – the mindset, the connection, the power dynamic.

So please, please – don’t let me come……yet

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