Recovery

Of course he’s never hit me
I wouldn’t stand for that
that’s a thing abusers do
this is just a spat

He breaks and throws my stuff around
when bad mood fills the air
obviously it’s my fault for
not tidying up with care

He drinks too much, I will admit
sometimes he loses heart
but I can heal him, so he says
if I‘m willing do my part

I have to make him like me now
win his forgiveness round
‘cos who else would put up with me?
No-one else, I’ve found

He works so hard to keep us fed
and housed, all we require
Of course it hurts his pride that my job
takes my income higher

I spent too much, went out with friends
without him saying OK
I need to learn to be less selfish
make amends some way

My punishment; perform for him
let him claim territory
no protest borne, no choice allowed
grit my teeth; I’m sorry

Looking back, the pattern’s clear
unhappiness was masked by fear
his; of failure, lost control
with mine; alone and never whole

I learned to understand myself
the why, and how, and who
Today I say, “Never again
To thine own self, be true”