In the house of my psyche, she resides below ground level. Down in the deepest cellar, in her soft-furnished boudoir she sprawls across a four-poster bed, naked and tousle-haired and ready for mischief. Across her skin are scrawled the scars of a hundred lessons imperfectly-learned; crossed-out names and instructions ignored. She’ll flaunt them with insouciance, they are a challenge and a come-on. “Can’t catch me” they mock silently; and “is that all you’ve got?”.
She wants you to add your own graffiti to the collection. Maybe yours will be the winning score. She lives in hope and quietly envies the serenity of her submissive sister upstairs. What does it take to achieve that peace? Not sullen surrender; not disappointed disengagement – she’s well-worn and weary of both. She is the child who swats at the wasps until they sting then lights the nest on fire in retribution and cries at the burn of the smoke.
Reach for her, she will wriggle out of your grip and taunt you for being slow. What will be your response? Will you turn her over your knee and redden her skin with your palm until she begs for mercy? Will you twine her hair around your fists and drag her to the wall for a furious punishment fucking? That’s what she wants. That’s what she schemes to achieve. Nothing frustrates her more than getting exactly what she asked for.
She’s the opposite of Sleeping Beauty; no princess slumbering in a tower until woken by the Prince’s kiss. No, this is an impudent and unrepentant serving-wench who, having been dismissed from her post, stays wide-awake in the dungeon because she likes it there.
Cuff her, rope her, chain her – she will wriggle and test her bonds; escape if she can. You should have restrained her tighter.
Ignore her, she will kick and scream. The harder you use her, the more indifference she will feign. She’s a contrary bitch and she doesn’t want capitulation, or accept aggression.
She needs distraction. To be held teetering, gasping on the edge of orgasm denied, to be brought to the brink, again and again, to have her mind and body occupied with the pursuit of rewards earned and to have to work hard for it.
Only then will she behave.